03-08 | BY: Peter Koijen | In:

The tragedy of summer time


Summer is not only the time for holidays and rest. For a lot of expats time it is time to move to the next adventure. For others it is time to reflect, to go on holiday, to visit family or take the opportunity to see new places and explore.

 

For the ones that never lived abroad, it can be seen as a unique experience, or a courageous decision. But the truth is that leaving abroad is not only about the decision about where to spend 300 days per year, it is a decision that changes all the 365 days of the year and yourself forever.

 

Our family is a bi-national family and this year was the year that we felt this more than ever. Our children are getting bigger and they clearly have the desire of exploring different countries and having different experiences. The things and places that we know from Ligia’s home country are getting old or disappearing. And even if Ligia speaks the language she does it now with a funny accent (like our friends say!).

 

The idea that people will return is a myth. They will not return just because they are a totally different person now.

The difference it is not only from a social perspective, for the change of habits or routines. It is a more profound change. It is the change of beliefs and values. This concept is very well explained by the model of communication of NLP (Neurolinguistics Programming).

 

If we recognize that the external events (people, situations, moments, things) are only recognized by us when we are able to given them a name (concept/word), it is easy to realize that if people talk in a different language, basically what they are doing is creating a totally new world for themselves. This is also the explanation that supports the study done by Baruch College, Professor David Luna, that people have a different personality each time that they change the language that they speak.

 

And why we decided to write about this?

Because we see a lot of people fighting with this change and saying that “I don’t belong anywhere.” And lots of times creating a place of emotional challenge by forcing themselves to belong, to be part again and to feel home in the country that was their home for a long part of their lives.

 

How can you make this “coming home” easier and also an unjoyful moment for everyone?

 

@Recognize what changed in your beliefs and ways of seeing the world

@Identify the things that are important for you and that you like to do during the time “home”

@Do all the things above and nothing more

@Save time for yourself during “home” holidays

@Create an intention for your “coming back” and share it with your close family

@Dividing the holidays between time “home” and time with a new experience can be a very good solution

 

And more importantly, realize that it is not really about “coming home” that you are having all these emotions, but more about your thoughts about “coming home”. And everything will be ok, if you realize that you are not coming back but you are just arriving to a place that you know.

 

If you are curious about NLP and how you can simplicity and take your life in your own hands, join us in the next NLP Training.